if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize