guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
