Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
