I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
