he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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