i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
