I wanna passion pit in your ass
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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