Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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