can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
