made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
