dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
