Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
