Got a toothbrush?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i think my cat just said my name.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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