Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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