I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
