i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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