You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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