Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
