Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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