Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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