Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
