Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
