You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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