can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
