Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
