I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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