Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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