Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
