I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
