I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The adults are the big ones right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
