you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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