he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She needs sedatives and a leash
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
