I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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