We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
