You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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