Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
