I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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