things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
