Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
