One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
