Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
