It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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