I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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