cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
