My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
