Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
