She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dicks are not precious.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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