OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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