Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
