yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
