just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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