1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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