If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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