I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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