I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
