You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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