i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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