it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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