he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
